Small Grumblings

So I played cards with a coworker at lunch today.  It was the second time I'd ever played, with the number of hands played still in the single digits.  Who could have guessed that I'd make a strategical error with numbers like that, huh?  (*rolling my eyes here*)  I always forget, the number one rule of Nerd Club is you do not screw up at Nerd Club.  (Number 2 rule YOU DO NOT SCREW UP AT NERD CLUB!!)  For those of you who don't know me personally, I'm a technical writer at a very very very (very) nerdy software company.  How nerdy?  We sponsor the Museum of Science.  That's how nerdy.  It's a great gig (for the most part), and I enjoy the work, but on occasion, the nerdiness gets to be a little much (which, if you know me personally, you're probably laughing at coming from me).  Some days, the word "algorithm" comes up a few too many times in casual conversation.  And when I say "casual conversation", I mean "what did you do this weekend, oh you had a date, how was it, I can plot the trajectory of this relationship" kind of casual conversation.  Yup, that's my life. 

What's great though, is that quilting (and sewing in general) gives me this sort of nerd release valve.  I won't pretend that I can do the geometric analysis of every block, but you know what?  There are doodles of triangles on my whiteboard at home...the one in my sewing room (incidentally, the one that fell and scared the bajeebers out of my poor kitty this weekend).  I'm finding that there is something so...healing...about putting on a movie I've seen a million times, warming up the space heater, and sitting down to do some good for someone I'll never meet. 

In college, I used to do a lot of volunteer work.  I used to identify with people, and I used to feel connected to the world.  Somewhere in my senior year, I lost that...maybe it was a bad breakup, maybe it was school kicking my butt, maybe it was something else entirely.  I don't know.  What I do know though, is that for nearly 4 years now, I've felt a sort of emptiness that wasn't there before.  I've been to church and I've done some volunteering, but everything just seemed like a square peg. 

Somehow...maybe it's because of the link between my mom, quilting, and spirituality...
...maybe it's because I can send my love for other people forward to them, without the possibility of rejection or hurt in return...
...maybe it's because of something much deeper that I haven't figured out yet...
...somehow, I've managed to start finding peace again, through quilting.  Maybe that's why I'm so hooked on buying fabric and supplies...it's not the shopping that gets to me, it's the "seeing beyond" if you will...when I run my hand along a light blue flannel print, I can see a little boy wrapped up in it, standing outside in flashing lights.  It's a horrible situation for him, but in a strange way I feel like that flannel connects me to him, and makes it so I can give him comfort, without ever even meeting him.  Is that strange? 

I've been obsessively finding quilting bloggers over the past few days.  I think I've added something like 60 or so blogs to my Google Reader thingy.  So far, I haven't found anyone in a similar situation to me (mid-20s, single, etc), but I don't feel alone.  So many quilters out there (mostly women) are such good people, and I love that! 

Friends at work laugh that I've become so "domesticated" lately (see my cooking blog for proof!) but don't at all see the draw to this...even my boyfriend (Nick) just nods and smiles most of the time (except when he knows he needs to be excited about something I've just finished...he's good like that lol).  I dunno...I guess it's nice to find a community of people who enjoy doing things for the love of doing them.  There aren't very many ulterior motives to quilting, really.  It's possibly the most innocent hobby ever (except maybe in the old days, when they used it to communicate...which I think is so badass). 

I dunno.  I'm rambling. 

Oh!  One more thing, then I'll knock it off, promise!  I just got my first ever request for a commissioned quilt!  My friend saw the I Spy quilt I made (I showed him pictures on the decoy blog lol) and just went nuts over it.  He has a toddler son who's just getting to the age that he understands stuff like that, so he's SUPER excited to have something to "light up his face" as he put it.  :-)  I think I'll designate the pink blanket to be the donation match for Arman's I Spy.